Unlike other bloggers who seem to be able to maintain the discipline of writing articles (even multiple articles) every day, my writing seems to be much more sporadic – I prefer to write when the desire hits and something spurs me to share my opinions. Unfortunately more often than not, the inspiration passes by as I’m entertained by my little boy and his funny daily antics and the day is swallowed in what seems to be the blink of an eye.

I so much want to be the perfect mum – doesn’t every mum? I’m wondering though if this desire for (my idea of) perfection will be a lifelong pursuit, two steps forward, one step back?

In my mind, perfect looks like:

• Awake at whatever time I’m naturally awoken and feeling refreshed and ready to go after a full night’s sleep
• A healthy, happy family
• Healthy, nutritious and satisfying eating for all the family every single day
• A thirty minute walk everyday
• Playtime at the park out in the fresh air and sunshine
• Free time to hang out with my little boy and do as we please
• A two hour afternoon nap for my little boy so I can either write articles or create websites
• Daily meditation
• Strength and Interval training three times a week
• Two dedicated half days per week to work (although writing and creating websites doesn’t feel like work)
• Weekly massage
• Some quality time with my husband
• Living in my own beautiful home
• Successfully running my own business
• Everything under control and when it’s not, being able to “go with the flow”

This is my current aim point – a broad overview of what I’d like my life to be like – and on some days I can check off more boxes than others.

What I’m finding though, is that the days I try to push consciously to achieve as much as I can, I often feel great frustration regardless of how much I achieve – the “To Do’s” ticked off are never enough. Whereas on the days where I resign myself to just “going with the flow”, I feel happy and content regardless of how much or how little I have achieved in that day.

I much prefer that happy and content person than the frustrated, grumpy one (& I know my husband definitely prefers the happy content me) so perhaps it’s time to let go of what I think other people think I should be doing (yes I really do care too much about what others think of me) and do what fills me with joy and let that joy ripple out to those around me.

I’d really like to hear how you balance being a Mum and being just you – sharing of hints and tips is always greatly appreciated

Life is a journey, appreciate each day of that journey

Strange question I know – but something I’m asking myself today.

My little boy Daniel is celebrating his first birthday this Friday – an exciting time for any parent, a particularly happy occasion for us, given our history.

Let me explain – in a nutshell (I’ll save the full story for another day), my daughter Isabella became unwell when she was six months old and after 7 1/2 months of tough times, she passed away unexpectedly when she was 13 1/2 months old.

Isabella’s first birthday party was just with her little friends from the mothers group – none of us knew she was going to leave so soon – it was a shock (that’s an understatement) when she died. We didn’t invite any extended family to her party because we felt separate, misunderstood and unsupported by some of our family members during the period of time when Isabella was unwell.

After Isabella died, the majority of our family members who lived in Australia attended her funeral – it was a big turnout, perhaps because it was so unexpected and the death of a child is always shocking.

So in my mind, after 6 years without our daughter, Daniel’s first birthday is especially important to me & I’ve realised that it isn’t this way for everyone.

I’m writing this because I’m a little hurt – this is my way of working through some of those feelings. I would like to understand why in our culture (I have an ethnic background) it’s the done thing to attend a funeral – it’s the last big “hurrah”, but birthdays are “aplenty” and so if you miss one, there is always another to go to.

I appreciate paying respects to the family members left behind and honouring the person that has passed, and I’m extremely grateful still to this day, to all the people that came to Isabella’s funeral and supported us for differing periods of time after she left. What I don’t understand is why a birthday isn’t given the same level of importance as a funeral. It really speaks to something deeper – that in general, we take our everyday lives for granted – a day is just a day, we have plenty of them still to come. In truth though, no-one knows how long they have on this earth. Perhaps people attend funeral to try and assuage some of the guilt they feel for not having spent more time with the deceased person. Well let me tell you something – by the time the funeral comes around it’s too late – spend time with the person while they are still alive.

I’ll never have that “new-parent naivete” again so even though I’m the first to admit I’m not the perfect Mum with Daniel (especially on the days that sleep is in short supply), I do my absolute best and I’m grateful for every moment I have with Daniel and I pray every night that he will live a long and healthy life.

That’s my 2 cents for today.