For a while now I’ve been wondering where I fit in the whole hierarchy of womanhood/motherhood. I’m not your traditional “Stay at Home Mum” or “Housewife” like my mum was (dinner isn’t on the table at 6pm and Daniel isn’t bathed and ready for bed when Warren comes home). I also don’t have what you would call a career either – the thought of working for someone else has never really been my cup of tea (and my favourite cup of tea is Twinings Earl Grey).

Instead, I’m a wife and a mother, I own D-Zyne Solutions with my husband Warren, I create websites, dabble in share trading and I have my own Neways distributorship. This is what I term a “New-Age Retro Mum” (hence the title of this blog) because I strongly believe that a mothers’ role is to stay at home and raise her children (I also think dads should stay at home too, but that’s a whole article in itself) and maintain a sense of her own identity through whatever means she prefers.

I feel sad for the women who feel they have to go back to work once their 12 months of maternity leave is finished. In the 60 minutes article, I think the percentage quoted was something like 75% of mums who were working would rather stay at home and be a housewife if they could.

Of course no article about traditional gender roles would be complete without an interview with Germaine Greer – it was interesting to hear that she doesn’t agree with a woman’s perception that she needs to be able to do it all – be a great mum and have a career. Her view was more about independence and being true to yourself (well that’s what I took from it anyway).

I wonder where this premise of being the perfect woman (domestic goddess and career woman) came from? I know in my home, Warren (my husband) has told me countless times that all he wants is for me to be happy and then he is happy. If that means making him breakfast, lunches and dinners then great, if not, then he’ll make his own breakfast, sometimes lunch and we’ll work out what we do for dinner when the time comes. To me that seems overly simplistic – perhaps men don’t have as high expectations of us as we have of ourselves and our lives.

I was about to write that for me, it’s not enough to be a wife and a mother – I need something more than that – but why would I say that? In fact, I feel almost guilty saying that because I feel that someone reading this might take it to mean that I’m not happy being a wife and a mother. It’s not that at all – I love having a partner to share my life with and I am in awe of my little boy – the amazing growth that has taken place in the last 12 months since he joined us. What it is, is that I have other interests that drive me in addition to my family and I want to be able to pursue those as well. This is where it can be frustrating at times though – I want to provide an environment for Daniel where he can truly fulfil his potential (and I believe the best people for him to do that with are his parents) and I also want to put time into my projects too – it’s all about finding the right balance. And right now that balance would be better achieved if Warren was a stay at home dad and we both shared our time between caring for Daniel and creating income to support our family.

Have we perhaps come full circle and just as in fashion, the retro notion of being a housewife is in vogue again but with a modern twist? Just like in fashion though, I think it’s time to take the bits that work best for you and toss out the rest.

What do you think? Are you a stay at home mum longing for more, or perhaps a career woman wishing she was at home with her children? What works best for you?

Related posts:

1. Should Both Parents be at Home?